As Good as it Gets

My prospects finally improved after a depressing first half of the week.

I received an unemployment check.  I have a phone interview this evening, a final interview tomorrow am, an initial interview tomorrow pm, and I just learned that I am still in the running for a position for which I initially interviewed a month ago.

Problem is that they are all for jobs that I probably wouldn't want to do even if I actually received an offer.

The good news is that I have a blockbuster scheduled for Monday, which will give me something to which I can look forward over the weekend.

It's been nearly two months now, so I've unfortunately learned not to become overly excited about any positive developments in my search.

I mean, I remain hopeful that I will eventually land my dream job with a dream salary, but my worst fear after 60 days of 24/7 searches, interviews and rejections is that I may need to accept a position just for the paycheck.  Is that really how this grueling endeavor might end?

As Jack Nicholson memorably asked: "What if this is as good as it gets?"

Silver Linings

I just returned from a five-mile run through my neighborhood.

It got me thinking about the people who I saw out running on my way into the office in the 8 to 9am hour on weekdays.

I always wondered about them.

Did they work a second shift?  Did they have the day off?  Or did they possibly have some amazing job where their employer encouraged them to exercise during work hours?

Now I get it.  They were all unemployed.

That's certainly why I do it.

It's not like I always enjoy pushing myself to get out of the house every day for some cardio.  However, it does get my head out of the mundane routine of applying for jobs, hoping for a call back and deleting rejection letter after rejection letter from my inbox.

I also hope that one of these days Jennifer Lawrence will come out of nowhere, start jogging behind me and invite me to join her in a crazy local dance competition.

It logically follows that my dad, Robert De Niro, will make a few bad bets on the Eagles and lose all of his money.  Of course his bookie, Beansie from the Sopranos, will allow my dad to win it all back by placing a wager on my score in the crazy dance competition, despite knowing nothing about my skills or the dance competition.

However, I have yet to see Jennifer Lawrence following me, Robert De Niro is not my dad and everybody knows that Beansie is in a wheelchair living in Florida after Richie Aprile ran him over with his Bronco.

Besides, even if it did happen nobody would believe because the story is just plain stupid

'I Would Be Absolutely Perfect For This,' Report 1,400 People Looking At Same Job Posting

So that only leaves 1,399 less qualified individuals in competition for my current career ambitions, according to The Onion:

"SAN FRANCISCO—Upon coming across the same job posting Monday for a full-time position at a local startup company, an estimated 1,400 people reportedly described the opening as “a perfect fit” for their qualifications, saying it was exactly the opportunity they’ve been waiting for. “I have all the skills they want, my experience matches up—I honestly don’t know if there’s anyone out there better suited for this job than me,” said unemployed man Charles Duncan, echoing the sentiments of 1,400 others, 900 of whom believe their facility with social media and knowledge of web design will definitely make their application “stand out from the rest of the pack.” “This position just makes so much sense for me. My résumé and cover letter might not get me the job outright, but once I go in for the interview they’ll see why I’m ideal for it.” Sources later confirmed a family friend of a top executive at the company had already accepted the position, which had been unofficially promised to him long before the job was even posted."

Top 5 Myths About Being Unemployed

Number four is the best!

Top 5 Myths of Being Unemployed

4. You have no incentive to find work because government is paying you. Some people out there suggest that now that you’re unemployed you must be taking it easy since you have the security and comfort provided to you by an unemployment check. The glamorous life of an unemployed person is often summarized by a thoughtless comment that goes something like this – “well, it must be nice for you to stay home and relax a little.”Ok, breath now and once you gather enough strength to resist the urge to punch the person asking this question, ask him or her to consider the typical morning of a freshly unemployed person, known commonly as moocher a.k.a the VIP member of the 47% subculture. You wake up in the morning to that familiar rush of panic and anxiety, followed by a feeling of emptiness, worthlessness and mild depression that is quickly followed by the dreadful thought of having to go through your email box, again, to delete all those automated rejection letters. Yes, what pleasure cruise it is, so full of delightful enjoyments and endless relaxation. Yeah, right asshole. You go bananas about a week into this imagined paradise of yours. Being unemployed means you are now working alone, full time, with no pay to find a new job.

Say Goodnight to the Bad Guy

I received two calls after 8pm from a hiring manager with a potential employer in the past week.  It got me thinking about the “First to Leave” game offices play.

I really wonder if the person was really busy and that was the first opportunity to call, or it was a message that employees are expected to stay late even if they have nothing to do.

I played the “First to Leave” game for years with offices on The Hill.  I lost most of the time.  I just don’t believe in staying at a desk with nothing to do long after business hours so that you don’t get glared at or have negative comments thrown your way when you’re not around.

It makes me the think of that scene at the end of “Scarface” when Tony Montana tells the restaurant to say goodnight to the bad guy.  “You need people like me.”

That’s kind of how it works.  Everyone criticizes the first person to leave, but they are glad when someone finally packs up.  The second and third people to leave are immune from criticism, even when it’s usually five to 10 minutes later.

I am proud of always fulfilling the job at hand, even if it keeps me in the office after midnight.  But if I’m not doing anything, what’s the point?

'Youth in Revolt!'

I woke up to "Youth in Revolt" playing on Comedy Central this morning.  I finally got out of the house last night to get dinner with family in Pentagon City.  It was a great reminder of the need stay active outside of the home rather than sitting around watching television 24/7.  Life can get really boring and crushingly dull without enjoying the time off rather than suffering through it.

Otherwise, I'll remember the summer of 2013 as how far I advanced playing "The Croods" on my iPad.

Metro Deception

Metro never really bothered me when I first moved to Washington, D.C. from rural Michigan.  I have always lived within a five-minute walk of a station.  I lived in Alexandria near the Braddock Road station when I first moved to the area, which meant getting on the Yellow Line and transferring to the Blue or Orange to get to Capitol Hill.  It took anywhere from 30 to 45 minutes to get to the work in the morning, but I could always count on it.

After a year, I moved to Capitol Hill near the Eastern Market station and later the Potomac Avenue station.  I normally walked to the Rayburn House Office Building if the weather was anywhere near decent.  When I did hop on the Metro it only took five to seven minutes door-to-door to get to my office.  I ditched my Toyota Camry because I never drove it anymore.

I suppose the convenience tricked me into thinking that I could get away with moving to the Virginia suburbs within walking distance of the Vienna Station.

I was wrong.

To be fair, on a normal day I give myself an hour to get downtown during weekdays if I’m not in a hurry, and I can count on it one out of every four rides.  However, that 25 percent of the time that it doesn’t run on time completely ruins its convenience.  I have to give myself 90 minutes to get to any given appointment, meaning the best case scenario is that I arrive on time and hang out at the nearest Cosi or Starbucks.  Then when it’s running extremely late or spending 10 minutes at each stop, I need to jump off at some point and pay for a cab to get me where I need to be.  That quickly adds up beyond the $12 I pay for fare to get downtown and back.

I’ve long given up on using it on weekends, even if it is only three or four stops to get groceries or see a movie in Ballston or Courthouse.  Those rides have taken 30 minutes to an hour, and that’s if the tracks aren’t completely shut down and shuttle buses are needed to transport passengers.  Forget about transferring to the Red Line.

Unsuck DC Metro does the best job of chronicling the absolute horrors of stranded trains, overcrowded platforms, broken escalators, inept station managers and hungry passengers so I don’t need to get into that here.

 

So I suppose one of the unexpected joys of being unemployed means that I no longer need to deal with it on a daily basis, often just once or twice a week.

But even that’s annoying.

Happy Independence Day!

A potential job prospect responded to me this morning to say that they will get back to me next week on where they are in the process.  I'm never quite sure what to think of employers who communicate after business hours, weekends and holidays on minor issues.  I have always been available 24/7, but I don't think that I'm comfortable with it being an expectation on events that can wait.

"Virus" is on AMC, and we'll be headed over to spend the day with friends on this humid July 4, 2013 in short order.  Happy Independence Day!

Chef Boyardee Beef Ravioli vs. Campbell's Chunky Sirloin Burger

Finally, an hr representative called a few minutes ago to schedule an interview for next week after another day of killing time.  At least something to look forward to as the long holiday weekend begins.  So far so good.  "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" just started on FX, which should take care of at least two hours of my night.  Only problem in the world now is whether to cook up some Chef Boyardee Beef Ravioli or Campbell's Chunky Sirloin Burger for dinner.

Maury

Why does the audience always boo and otherwise express their disappointment over the potential father before he walks out on stage on Maury?  What happened to being innocent until proven guilty?  Even if the baby's facial characteristics are similar, the audience should reserve judgment.

Judge Hatchett Ruling Overturned By Judge Joe Brown

One of my all-time favorites http://www.theonion.com/articles/judge-hatchett-ruling-overturned-by-judge-joe-brow,1337/

Day 50

I parted ways with my most recent employer 50 days ago and have been a free agent in the job market ever since.  It is currently 2:20pm on an overcast day in the Vienna suburbs located about 20 miles outside of D.C.

I am am anxiously waiting to hear back on three great opportunities for which I have interviewed over the past two weeks after six weeks of continuous rejections on solid and not-so-solid leads.

I have sent out more than 100 resumes since I began my search on May 15, the day after my last position ended.  About one out of 10 of them resulted in interviews, but I have been deemed overqualified for some, not the greatest candidate for others and otherwise rejected during reorganizations of some firms in which the positions have been eliminated altogether.

I still get out of bed between 7 and 8am every morning and follow an informal schedule.  I first make breakfast -- usually oatmeal or yogurt with half a pot of coffee -- and then sit down in front of the laptop.  My first stop is The Brad Traverse Group, which I have found to be the most comprehensive job search site.  My next stop is DC Public Affairs and Communications Jobs, then Media Bistro and finally conservativejobs.org, which is run by the conservative Leadership Institute.

I then scour my inbox for updates from positions in the House of Representatives -- where I worked for my first 10 years in Washington -- then the Heritage Foundation job bank, the Michigan Talent Bank for positions in my home state, and then finally monster.com and Linkedin.com.  The last two are almost completely worthless aside from some interesting tips on interviewing, writing effective resumes and cover letters, as well as interviewing techniques and thank-you notes following in-person interviews.

I try to apply for at least five before noon.

This week resulted in an in-person interview for a promising lead downtown near K Street, but if nothing else is on my calendar I usually head out for a six-mile run to clear my mind.

After lunch I then run back through the usual websites until about 2pm when the first hour of Maury begins on the CW.  For nothing other than morbid curiosity I enjoy the drama unfolding as to whether seemingly deadbeats are, or are in fact not, the father following a DNA test.  The lie detector tests undergone by partners are not as interesting or believable.

Today Goodfellas was on Spike, a channel that probably airs the best movies during daylight hours.  I have seen about 50 or more movies since I became unemployed, including Limitless starring Bradley Cooper, The Roomate, Ronin, Idiocracy, Transformers, He's Just not that Into You, Grown-ups, Juno, Georgia Rule, The Green Hornet, One Flew over the Cuckus Nest and a Sex and the City Marathon, Take Me Home Tonight, 40-year-old Virgin, Knocked Up -- generally anything on TBS, FX, Spike, Bravo, AMC, CMT or Comedy Central.

Sometimes I treat myself to a Verizon On-Demand movie like Silver Linings Playbook, Django Unchained and Parker, but they generally turn out to be horrible movies.

The days aren't always as boring however.  Last week the DC unemployment office finally deposited the first benefit check into my bank account.  Collecting them was a six-week arduous process that finally resulted a positive outcome.

For those in the same position, call Miss Lamicha Tyler at (202) 698-7216 to try and expedite the process.  Her voicemail says that she'll respond within 24 hours, but in my case I had to call every day for a week before I finally had a call returned.  Her email is lamicha.tyler@dc.gov but it didn't work when I tried it.

Right now is a lull in the day, but I'm hoping to get a pleasant surprise in the mail that doesn't include a bill when it arrives around 3pm.

At this point I'm hoping for something good on "unemployment TV" to keep myself occupied from chain-smoking cigarettes and drinking too much coffee.